Our sweet Clementine Ruth Hahn came into the world on December 2nd, 2020 at 1:57pm.
She was due on November 27th and, to be honest, the possibility of her being a December baby never even crossed my mind. I was convinced she’d come early. In hindsight, I don’t know why – all the lore says that first babies run notoriously late. But, I myself was born four days early and David was born on his actual due date and I guess I assumed a baby’s arrival was somewhat hereditary and therefore, it was IMPOSSIBLE she’d be born after the 27th. People kept telling me, “oh those last two weeks are the most miserable,” and I honestly thought to myself, don’t worry – I won’t make it that far.
But then her due date came and went. Those last two weeks of misery – they happened. We’d scheduled an induction date just in case for December 1st but (again) — I was absolutely and utterly convinced I wouldn’t end up making it that far.
It was not to be. On November 30th, I went into the doctor and, despite feeling like the baby was dropping right out of me, I was only dilated to 1cm and 50% effaced. So, the evening of December 1st, after eating rosemary garlic butter steaks and putting my hair into power braids, I waddled through the doors of the hospital with David in tow behind me rolling the literal largest suitcase we could muster in with us. Within ten minutes, I was donning the hospital gown and being strapped into the monitors, one to watch baby, one to watch contractions. Up to this point, I thought maybe I’d felt a few contractions but the tightness I’d felt came and went and nothing showed up on the monitor screen and I felt a little discouraged by this. The OB resident came in and said it was time to place the Foley Bulb. Thanks to a little research and warnings from friends, I had worked myself into a full tizzy over the procedure and admittedly expected to have a little more time to mentally prepare myself. The resident was very kind though – she showed me every tool she was about to use and talked me through it before even starting, then when she did start, she talked me through it all again. She checked my cervix and said it felt like 2, maybe 3cm. The placement of the bulb wasn’t actually bad, just felt like a lot of pressure similar to having your cervix checked. As she let go of the foley bulb though, I felt it try to slip out. She caught it and tried to put it back but again – it slipped right out. She checked my cervix again and somehow I was dilated between a 4-5cm! The resident and the nurse both were shocked at the progress – the bulb had literally stayed in less than 60 seconds. As we were celebrating that win, I felt my first strong contraction and looked over just in time to see the needle on the monitor rise and fall. The contractions started coming about every five minutes. I don’t know if it was the foley bulb or just my body deciding it was finally time, but I got really excited that things were moving and grooving and we might have a baby sooner than I expected!
Alas, it was still longer away than I hoped. We were told they would probably start Pitocin around 3am, but to go ahead and try to get some sleep. I know they meant well, but boy, what a joke. I mean, let’s be honest, at 40 weeks 5 days pregnant, I spent every night in bed rotating like a rotisserie chicken trying to get comfortable. Now, between the monitors on my belly and the hard hospital bed, I had an impossible time resting. Every time I adjusted myself, one of the monitors would slip slightly and the nurse would rush in to help put it back in place. When I did finally seem close to snagging a wink, someone would slip into the room and whisper their introductions to me (nurses, residents, doctors, oh my). So really, it was Mission Impossible from the beginning. Eventually I just gave up and David and I played Tri-onimos on our phones until it was time to start the Pitocin.
After the Pitocin started at 3am, things started moving more quickly. David and I snuck in a couple quick cat naps between nurse visits, but the contractions were getting more and more uncomfortable for me. I also was experiencing a lot of pain from my IV drip. Something about the placement on my hand was sending shooting pains up my arm and I could hardly move it. The night nurse tried to adjust it a few times and had called in some help to see if there were any other options, but I have horrible veins and they couldn’t find another site that would work. So I tried to just handle it.
I was starting to feel a little out of sorts around 7am between the pain and not really sleeping much, but then the best thing happened. David’s cousin (and pseudo aunt), who has been a L&D nurse for 30+ years and actually helped during his birth, came into our room. I knew she would be present for the delivery, but she did us one better — she actually was our nurse for the day! I was so relieved. Because of COVID, I wasn’t able to have my mom with me, but having Janis there was as close to that as I could’ve hoped for. She immediately asked me where my pain was at and, within five minutes, found a different site for my IV and helped me get more comfortable on the bed. I think as a first time mom I didn’t even really know what to ask for to alleviate discomfort. Janis was amazing at predicting my needs though, even when I didn’t realize I had any, and all through out my labor kept showing up with ways to make me more comfortable, whether it was an extra pillow under me, a suggestion on how to position myself better on the bed, or a cup of ice to munch.
One thing I hadn’t thought much about was when to actually get the epidural. I wanted to feel what labor was like, but knew there would be a waiting period between when I called for the epidural and when it actually was administered, so I didn’t want to get too far behind the pain. I was dilated to 6cm and the resident let me know they would break my water soon and, even though I was managing at this point, I decided it was probably time. The contractions DID pick up after we ordered the epidural, so I was extremely glad I made the call when I did. The epidural — another thing I worried incessantly over — was absolutely no big deal. I didn’t look at the needle, just did what they told me to do, and while I did feel nervous to the point of tears, I was pleasantly surprised I felt next to nothing.
Over the next twenty minutes, it felt like I had entered a warm bath. I felt so relaxed and rejuvenated. They broke my water and within an hour I was fully dilated and Janis came in and told us it was time to start pushing.
The resident came and monitored me for 2-3 tries, and then to my surprise, she left. Apparently this is the normal, although neither David or I realized it. Pushing takes so long for a first time mom, it often is just the nurse and the parents doing it! I pushed for probably 20 minutes before Janis suggested bringing in a mirror. I said NO. But then she said, “I see her hair!” And then David peeked during a contraction and the look on his face made me want to see what was going on to. So Janis rolled the mirror around and I saw a little swath of black hair peeking through and let me tell you what – I was MOTIVATED. My pushing efforts became exponentially better and within 20-30 minutes, Janis went and called for my doctor. We waited for what felt like a lifetime for her to arrive and in the meantime, I had stopped pushing but was watching the mirror as my body continued to work on getting that baby out on its own. She was crowning quite a bit by the time the doctor rushed in and said, “Oh goodness!!”
Suddenly I was surrounded by hands and bodies and with one teensy push, Clementine Ruth was screaming earthside. It was the vision I dreamed about my whole pregnancy, through all the difficulty; that surreal perfect moment when they placed her on my chest and I got to meet her for the first time.
Even just writing this, I’m wrapped right back into that moment. It truly was the most empowering time, so much so, I found myself crying in the doctor’s office the next week when I realized it was all over. I’m sure, Lord willing, I’ll find myself back in that hospital bed welcoming another life into the world again someday though. That thought makes me very happy.
The hours following her birth had highs and lows: the lows being that I had a bad reaction to my pain meds and felt pretty dizzy and ill for a while. Our first nurse in the recovery center was pretty rushed when we arrived and was pretty concerned I wasn’t masked (even though I was trying hard not to vomit at the time). But then a new nurse came and she was lovely, the pain meds wore off slowly through the night, and I found myself in the dark hum of the room staring at my little girl as everyone slept, just in awe. I tore fairly horribly so I expected a lot of pain with that, but it actually never was that bad. Later my doctor told me she was surprised I healed as well as I did considering how bad it was, but I honestly didn’t know the full severity of it until my 6 week appointment and by that point, the pain was minimal. I’ll talk more about the post-partum weeks later, but overall, I was so pleasantly surprised by how fast the body recovers from birth. I felt like a new woman overnight, because, well… I was.
I’ll end with this: I feared birth from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I was fortunate that Clem’s birth was such an empowering and positive experience for me. The pain and worries feel so small now in comparison to the utter joy it was to be holding my sweet Clementine for the first time. So if you too are fretting birth, I hope you find peace in knowing that everything feels surmountable when there is that little baby waiting for you on the other side of that mountain. We can do it.
Much love,
Emily
